There is growth in grief and a life waiting for us after loss, but we all need help in moving forwards.Reporter Clare Butler spoke with a life coach as part of our ‘We Need to Talk...’ campaign.
Julia Sinclair-Brown, who runs Evolvida, is encouraging people not to suffer in silence if they are dealing with grief.
She has several years of experience in HR and coaching, and discussed the grieving process and how we can find joy in life again while remembering our loved ones.
“Grief never diminishes, it stays the same size, but as we grow and as we change from the grief our life develops around it,” Julia explained.
“It never actually goes away.
“We can never assume how somebody feels. Everyone has their own journey of loss and grief of what they go through.”
Julia helps clients with techniques to bring emotional relief, meditation exercises and healing.
She explained: “There is power in rituals such as lighting a candle on a significant day or remembering a loved one at a favourite place.
“It’s helping people to find ways to move forwards in their grief and make meaning from it.
“The first thing that comes to mind when we think of grief is bereavement and the death of a loved one, but this year has brought up so much grief in a different context too.”
Loss of lifestyle, routine, plans and even jobs due to coronavirus can all bring about a sense of loss which needs to be processed.
Julia continued: “We have had the loss of life has we know it [during this year] and a lot of the symptoms that have come from that is grief.
“With any loss in our life there is grief – it can be loss of health, divorce, retirement. In some point in our life we will all suffer a significant loss.
“Grief can be viewed in many different ways and there are many contemporary theories that have emerged.
“What I find more relevant is how we grow around our grief.
“Another model is the loss restoration process, this doesn’t mean we reach an end stage, but we can be in a mourning state one day, but the next day you may want to go to work or visit a friend.
“There’s no right or wrong it just shows that you can go between the two emotions.
“All our emotions are valid – whether it be anger, sadness, shock or despair.”
Showing support and being there for someone during their grief is important too.
Julia said that by just being there for someone by showing them love and compassion is the best thing to do.
“We think that there’s a timeline for grief and someone should be over it by now – but that’s the worst thing you could say to someone,” she said.
“Just be there for them.
“If you’re worried about what you should say to someone, just try to go beyond that fear.
“Grief cannot be fixed, the person will heal in their own time in their own way, just support them best you can.
“Often someone in grief does not know what they want or need, so be more specific to say ‘ can I come and clean your house’ or ‘I’ll come and take the children to school’.
“In the very early days there’s many people around, but soon after the funeral that’s when support tails off because life understandably moves on.
“But the grieving person can feel forgotten about. So really make sure you continue to check in with that person after the loss as that’s when they can feel most isolated.”
Julia has spent the last year working on setting up a course, available to people soon to help them cope in the early days and months with grief.
“There are about five modules and small videos that are really manageable step-by-step, take it at your own pace guide. There is no rush or no timeline. I’m hoping that people can dip in and out of that,” she added.
She also intends to set up a grief cafe in Huntingdonshire in the near future.
For full details on the course visit: https://www.evolvida.co.uk/online-courses
Julia also took part in our We Need to Talk podcast which is available on Apple, Spotify and www.podfollow.com/need-to-talk.