HDC’s green bin policy is tearing Bill and Ben apart

WE are mortified. HDC says it wants more money for the extra green bin or send him back. In the beginning we had one green bin and we called him Bill. Bill was very happy for some time but when our second bin came along he was delirious. We called him Ben. Bill and Ben were very happy in our garden as we fed them regularly with all sorts of garden goodies.

Now these evil people want Ben back because we cannot afford the extra £40. Bill is very upset, and so he should be as he is losing his best friend and garden buddy.

We demand to know what will happen to Ben when he is returned to the ethnic cleansing department. Will he be given a nice garden somewhere to pass the rest of his life, or will he be decommissioned, euthanised, humanely put down, have his wheels removed and his lid ripped off?

Bill is very, very upset at Ben’s prognosis and is at this moment is preparing siege tactics to save his life time friend. Ben now refuses to come out of the compost bin in our garden and is violently slamming his lid shut to anyone who comes near.

We now feel, thanks to HDC’s nasty people we might have to have him shot and tranquilised before we can remove him.